There is no doubt that divorce is a challenge but it’s not the end of the world. Further, once you are divorced, you should not see yourself as an eternal victim. Divorce may affect your life both emotionally and financially, but your divorce shouldn’t define you.
There is life after divorce. It begins with accepting and processing your emotions and allowing yourself the time to mourn the loss of your marriage. Then, before you know it, you will be able to forgive your former spouse for the pain that you have endured and let go of the past. At that point, your future will be bright, and you will be able to thrive.
Getting On With Your Life
Divorce is the legal end of your marriage. It means you and your spouse separate, dividing your property, and, if necessary, making arrangements for sharing time with your children and dealing with issues of child custody and support. The process is typically both paperwork-heavy and emotionally challenging, but once your settlement agreement is completed and signed, it is time to look to the future.
Did everything go your way in the divorce? Probably not. However, from now on, how you live out the terms of your settlement agreement will, to some extent, determine the success you have in your life and for your family.
It may be that your future won’t be exactly as you imagined it would be. You may not have wanted your marriage to end. You may not want to be single again—but some things are out of your control.
You may not have it all worked yet, but when you encounter problems going forward, be assured that if you deal with them in a responsible and honest manner, you will be able to resolve them. From now on, the choice of how you live your life is in your own hands.
Making Divorce Work
Your divorce, like so much in life, is a work in progress. If you have planned well and been able to cooperate with your ex in agreeing on a parenting plan and financial settlement, then most of the time things will work out well. However, it may not be perfect.
For those parts that aren’t working perfectly, you can decide whether to modify the arrangements and if so, in what ways. It’s up to you to decide what you can live with and what needs to change.
Similarly, it’s up to you to make your new life the best that it can be. The following guidelines will help you redefine your life after your divorce:
- Acknowledge Your Loss – You need to acknowledge the fact that you are going through a period of loss. You might feel extremely sad and disappointed with the way that things have turned out. This is completely normal. Yet, with time, you will begin a new routine and realize that you are feeling a little better each day. The pain that you are feeling will pass, you will be able to love and be loved again, and your life will become better than it has ever been before.
- Give Yourself Time to Heal – You need to let your heart heal, and that takes time. Do not expect to be over your marriage within a year. Instead, give yourself time to heal. However, there should also be a limit to how long you spend picking up the pieces of your life. Getting divorced does not mean that you are a perpetual victim and that everyone should feel sorry for you. It is sad, it is life-altering, and it can shake you to the core. However, after some time, you need to be able to pick yourself up and give yourself the life that you deserve.
- Allow Yourself to Grieve – You should take the time to mourn your marriage. Find someone with whom you can speak about your feelings and your grief. This person could be a close friend or relative, a professional counselor, or a religious leader. Just remember that grieving is not wallowing in sorrow––it is a process that you need to go through to let your marriage go. So, do not get carried away and spend every day in tears.
- Learn to Forgive – Forgiveness is not about the other person––it is a gift that you give to yourself. Let the feelings of hurt and anguish go. By forgiving the spouse that you are divorcing, you give yourself the freedom to be happy again and to open your heart to the possibility of finding someone who is more deserving of the love that you have to offer.
- Leave the Past Behind You – Once the divorce is finalized, it is in the past and should stay there. You will be unable to move forward emotionally if you are still harboring the hope that one day you and your former spouse will get back together and enjoy a happy existence. You need to be able to let go completely. This way, you will be in a much better place emotionally to begin a relationship with the person who could be the ultimate love of your life.
- Understand That Failure is Not Permanent – You may have tried, but failed, at your marriage. This does not mean that this is the end. Failure is simply a stepping stone that can be turned into opportunity when the right decisions are being made. The only person who really fails in a divorce is the one who is totally unable to get back on their feet. Make sure that you do not fall into this category. Look for and find new opportunities where you can experience success in your life.
Contemplating Divorce In Arkansas?
Are you contemplating divorce in Arkansas? Want to know how to file for divorce or desire divorce advice? Here is how to find an experienced divorce lawyer who can answer all of your questions––contact the central Arkansas family law firm of Mann & Kemp at (501) 222-4730 to schedule an appointment with one of our professionals. Working with a knowledgeable and qualified family law attorney will help you obtain the most favorable outcome of your divorce and give you the best chance for a full and happy life after.